8am and on. Still trying to come up with a better question to make sense of the models answers. Still unsure. And once again feeling unsettling traces of mismatch between professional attitude and personal mindset. Breathing into the tea mug. And waiting for mental dust to settle.
Auch, immer wieder schnell: Müde vom ungefilterten Rauschen. Die verschiedenen Herausforderungen auf verschiedenen Ebenen, und die Unwägbarkeiten widersprüchlicher Prioritäten. Es ist immer noch still über dem Viertel, gegenüber glänzt frühe Sonne auf überfrorenen Schindeln und im Augenblick reicht dieser Anblick völlig aus, eine freundlichere Nähe zu Allem herzustellen.
(Too: The surprising endeavour of listening to ones inner monologues while mind and body are idle. Somewhere in between unsolved daily challenges, weird anxieties of all flavours, fantasies same as weird, and a transforming subtext hard to understand. Moving on as a strategy to avoid this kind of exposure. Trained to feel guilty in idle mode.)
10pm, elsewhere. Emptying that bottle, staring through the trees, trying to find a hole in the clouds but there's none, only starless dark for now. Everything's shadows, with random flashes of past in between. Different ages, difficult reconnects. The whole is more than just a sum of its parts, and even this way at some point the sheer amount of parts and layers is overwhelming... .