Closing in on 9am and already miles out in this day. Moving bits around, on various levels. Getting people to talk to each other. And trying to find a balance in everything again. As challenging as this gets, on a clear bright morning.
11am and on. Reconfigurations, rescheduling, missed appointments and looming deadlines. Updating documentation so to at least figure out why things are the way they are. Office corridors left empty today, few connections to keep open, few message exchanged in between these walls. A different kind of silence.
(Office kitchen, magazines, mental mode: Somewhere between browsing through conference announcements and wondering to consider one, once again in years - and the sheer desire to hang out with an odd crowd in dark evenings, reading whatever scribble they come up with to each other until eventually retreating, relieved and freed of that own embarrassment from being this much turned inside out.)
Too, 4pm and on: Mail notifications out of former customers systems. Weird memories of a closer past, and still within these that kind of hurt ego, of not having been able to keep things up there generally and personally. Too, the differences between being responsible, taking responsibility and feeling guilty of whatever failure wasn't communicated. Forever listening into a void, while sky remains icy grey and city afternoon slowly steps forth.
Andere unerwartete Zwischenstunden. Kaffee auf dem Balkon, Schneeregen. Aktivrauchen, Passivrauchen und die seltsamen Gefüge und Gepflogenheiten kleiner sozialer Systeme. Auch: Technische Irrwege, beherzte Schritte auf unsicheres Terrain, und immer nur ein Stück davon entfernt, abzurutschen und bäuchlings im Schlamm zu landen. Manchmal ist es unerwartet schwer, eine gute Figur zu machen.