4pm and on. Incorporating shutdown rituals on a daily basis. Still difficult getting used to certain procedures, still even more difficult though to much later dig through repetitive procedures and data that piled up. Also: Watching error corrections fail, watching old patterns of misbehaviour merrily reappear on new components. Reopening issues. With a sigh of discomfort and disbelief.
(Sometimes, task juggling helps staying awake. Sometimes, task juggling and context switching adds to feeling tired and overwhelmed. Sometimes, there's way more input than one feels up to consume in generally tense days. How to stay calm for those that might need it when being stirred and torn oneself?)
Plötzliche Hektik: Sonne schon wieder hinter dem Zenit, verrechnet, Zeit aus den Augen verloren. Bildschirme im Tiefschlaf, volle Taschen, leerer Kopf. Küche, schneller Imbiss, im Stehen. Sinnieren über eigene Filter, Selbstfürsorge, Verständnis. Der Hausmeister telefoniert im Hinterhof, auf der Ecke seines Karrens sitzend, Worte und Sprache klingen entspannt. Gegenüber hängt man Wäsche auf die Leine, drei Balkone über dem Erdboden. Wasser tropft durch Gitter, die Luft fühlt sich weit kälter an, als sie ist. Noch ein Kaffee vor der Einwahl. Konzentrationsübungen. Ruhig genug - auf dem Niveau, das die allgemeine Anspannung zulässt.
9am and on. Like all of a sudden. Morning faded with the nights most persistent dreams, drowned out by the sounds and pressure of the waking day. Gaining speed again, though never enough to really lift off. Slow down, turn over, try again. (Somewhere in the house, kids seem to stay home ill and there's a melody in minor, songs to soothe, cough and sadness and somehoe one feels this very much.)
Quite past 3pm again. The longer the calls, the weirder that particular moment to hang up, hear conversations fade and that outside world slowly drip back into consciousness. A deep breath. Stretching arms, feeling body is still here and willing to move. Eyes closed, watching colours dance. And eyes opened. A hazy sun. And a bit of blue sky still before dusk is drawing near again.