9am and on. Like all of a sudden. Morning faded with the nights most persistent dreams, drowned out by the sounds and pressure of the waking day. Gaining speed again, though never enough to really lift off. Slow down, turn over, try again. (Somewhere in the house, kids seem to stay home ill and there's a melody in minor, songs to soothe, cough and sadness and somehoe one feels this very much.)
Quite past 3pm again. The longer the calls, the weirder that particular moment to hang up, hear conversations fade and that outside world slowly drip back into consciousness. A deep breath. Stretching arms, feeling body is still here and willing to move. Eyes closed, watching colours dance. And eyes opened. A hazy sun. And a bit of blue sky still before dusk is drawing near again.
(Too, along the way: Cleaning up ones own digital sphere again. At first. Declutter. Remove noise. Mute some input. Jumping hurdles and taking steps. Even while it feels odd in the beginning. Always ending up feeling that things you own will one day own you.)
Kurze Besorgungen in der Mittagspause. Nur um ein paar Meter zurückzulegen. Sonne an fast klarem Himmel, Winterkälte auf der Haut. Größenverhältnisse, zum ersten: Nachbar trägt einen beeindruckend kleinen Tannenbaum durch die Straße, gelegentlich schüttelnd oder gegen die Hauswand streifend, eine Spur grünbrauner Nadeln hinter sich her ziehend. Größenverhältnisse, zum zweiten: Die Hinterhofkinder von einst umrunden, die an der Haltestelle auf den Bus warten. Um Kopfeslänge überragt werden, und eigene vage Gefühle unterdrücken dahingehend, wie einen die Jahre selbst kleiner und unbedeutender werden lassen im großen Ganzen. Wasser, Joghurt, kein Kuchen. Und weiter, in kleinen Schritten.
Entering redirect loops. Unsure where they started, or ended, or how many iterations have passed ever since in there. Missed a circuit breaker but amazed by seeing perception change and orientation fade. And as always, machines are told to misbehave, so it's back to drawing boards, after a short interrupt to let that dizziness settle.