(Too: Sessions disrupted, contacts rejected, a flow derailed again from an already narrow track. Unpleasant, concerning but it's software and it's global players so it seems all to remain is to shrug, accept and quietly move on.)
9am and on and feeling slightly off temporal track, mentally already halfway through the day again. Loose ends in short timeframes, disjoint problem sets, different people and the experience of being challenged by not just switching topics too fast but also changing communication moods too often. More coffee. And more rain.
4pm and on. Timer-controlled stars lighting up across the street. An anachronistic feeling, given it's still as bright as daylight possibly gets at this time of year. Also, moving around larger chunks of scheduled time. That weird sensation of standing near the edge of an appointment canceled on very short notice. Staring into unexpected emptiness, profoundly surprised. (Reshaping current reality. Not bother thinking about another days piles for a split second.)
A little later. Hallucinating systems. Drawing conclusions that seem flawed, from data that seems same as flawed. But at least by this there's consistency in things. Imagining the patterns of trees, following artificial branches and leaves instead. Trembling next to the cold beauty of abstraction.
Innehalten, plötzlich, halb durch die Agenda. Heimbüro weit lüften. Als wenn die gesprochenen Worte durch die staubige Leere irrten und freigelassen werden müssten, um Platz für neue zu schaffen. Ausgekühlten Tee trinken, mit sich selbst flüstern, die Stimme schonen. Daneben: Angesammeltes sichten, der Stapel, der seit dem Erwachen angehäuft wurde, atmet Verwirrung, Eile und ein Gefühl von Untätigkeit. Dehungsübungen im Türrahmen, gegen die Härte und den verspannten Schmerz. Und kurz beobachten, wie Windböen neue Wolken über Fluss und Viertel schieben. Dauerhaftes Spätherbstgrau.